Step away from the brownies & no one gets hurt

Tis the season to be fatty.... fa la la la la, la la la la.....

It's time for the pity party. Get ready, get set.... GO
Ok, pity party over. Time to stop feeling sorry for myself. I need to learn some self control, step away from the sweets & lose this weight!

I weighed 163 pounds the day I found out I was pregnant with my oldest son. that is the lowest weight I've ever been (sad, huh?) and since then, I haven't been able to get back there.
I don't need to be super skinny. Ultimately, I would like to get to 150. Right now that is about 43 pounds away.
My new years resolution is to get to 150 by the end of the year. I've lost 41 pounds in 6 months since having Hayley, so I should be able to lose 43 pounds in 12 months.  But I'm not waiting until New Years day to start that... my resolution will start on Dec. 26th. And until then (4 more days), I will resist the sweets as best as I possibly can.
Part of my weight loss resolution includes exercise. I need to run 2-3 times a week. Along with that, I need to start doing some weights as well... cuz otherwise, I'll just be saggy & not toned.
So yup, that's my plan & I best be sticking to it!!

Life is crazy

Life has been extremely crazy lately!
I am 6 pounds away from my christmas goal.... with about 4 more weigh ins to go. But weight watchers changed their points system, and it's been a challenge for the first few days or so to get the hang of it, so it might be a rough 4 weeks. We'll see if I make it or not.
I miss blogging & I'll try to post more often.

Don't mess with the bitch or you might get burned

I am so sick & tired of dealing with incompetent,miserable store clerks. If you hate your job that much... quit!! But don't be miserable on my time. You pissed off the wrong bitch... your corporate office if getting an earful from me... your ass is grass!!!

MIA

Sorry I've been so MIA lately. I am currently starting up a crafting business. I already have my first craft fair booked for Nov. 28th so I have been devoting all my free time to making stuff to sell at the fair!
For more info, check out my page at:
3 Lil' Monkeys Creations

A whole new meaning...

 I was so cold last night that my teeth were chattering (litterally) and since I wear a night guard, they were chattering against my night guard & it made this clicking sound that sounded like morse code! Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "talking in your sleep"

Why is it so hard?

Sometimes I ask myself why do I bother busting my butt to lose weight, especially with 3 kids... it's so hard & consumes so much of my time... some days I feel like just giving up (usually after a bad week). I could be using the time & energy spent on trying to lose weight and focus that on my kids.
But I know if I did that, I would never be completely happy with myself. I hate the way I look. I hate being fat. So instead I keep trudging along, no matter how many times I fall in shit, I have to brush myself off and keep going.
Why is losing weight so hard for me? Others make it look so easy. My body just sucks. It's broken =(

Stuffed like a turkey

Last Saturday my family had a party for my aunt's 40th birthday. I knew I was going to eat bad & it was a planned thing. Since I had been good for a few weeks, I let myself splurge a little (ok, a lot!) and then of course I felt guilty afterwards. I worked my butt off this week in order to undo some of the damage, but then today, 1 day before my weigh in, I went and got Chinese food for lunch. I was like a woman possessed... I couldn't stop myself. I stuffed myself to the point that I was so sick to my stomach that I wanted to throw up. I felt like a stuffed turkey on Thanksgiving day. I feel soooo sick & soooo guilty. Ug, why do I do this?
I can only imagine what the scale will say tomorrow. I think I will take a freebie this week & not weigh in.
I'm starting over (again... for the zillionth time) tomorrow. I keep telling myself that this is a lifelong commitment & some weeks I'm going to struggle and fall off the wagon, but when I fall off, I fall off hard and then it takes weeks to get back on track.
I am so close to the 200 pound mark, I want to be there now! I just want to say goodbye to the 200's once and for all. 

What comes next?

I have been extremely off track this week. Sick kids, lazy me, broken treadmill, it's just excuse after excuse. My treadmill is now fixed (I think) so I could have exercised today, but I just didn't want to. So instead of pushing myself to do it, I let myself get away with being lazy for another day... with the promise that on Saturday I will get back into my routine.
We are eating out for my aunt's 40th birthday on Saturday & I know that is going to be a train wreck so I plan to run that morning. I will probably start off with 25 minutes of running to ease myself back into the swing of things. Then on Sunday I will do 28 minutes of running. Then on Tues & Thursday I will see if I can run 30 minutes (because that is what I was supposed to run this week).  If I can successfully run 30 minutes that means I graduated from the C25K! Yay!
So what comes next?  I guess I just continue to run 30 minutes and when I feel like running longer, I will. I also need to start incorporating The FIRM videos at least 2 times a week. I need the toning.
People have been complimenting me on my weight loss. It feels good, but I'm not a person that takes compliments easy... I'm way too hard on myself and when people say "you look good", I'm thinking "yeah, but my ass is still too big", etc. I'm always thinking the worst about myself. I wish I could take a compliment and not think about the negative, but I just can't. I'm my own worst critic. 

Loser!

I lost 2.6 pounds this week. You'd think that would give me motivation to continue exercising hard, but I am feeling completely unmotivated & lazy today. It could be because aunt flow showed up this morning, so I'm letting myself get away with it for today.
Normally after a big loss, I tend to celebrate with food & ruin my week, but I didn't do that yesterday. I wanted to, but I talked myself out of it. If I want to keep losing consistantly, then I have to stop celebrating with calories. So I was proud of myself for that.
But today I woke up feeling extremely unmotivated.  I think I'm feeling a little burnt out from pushing myself so hard these past few weeks, maybe I deserve a break?  I was supposed to run 30 minutes today but I just didn't feel like it. So instead, I tried to make myself do some aerobics and that only lasted 20 minutes & I didn't even break a sweat, so I'm not really counting that as exercise. So I'm feeling like a LOSER right now, and not in a good way, either!
I'm going to try to make myself run later tonight or maybe tomorrow (which is not supposed to be my exercise day).
Right now I just want to lay on the couch all day & be lazy!

Frustrated

I am so completely frustrated with the scale. I work my butt off but it doesn't seem to be moving in the right direction. I'm following weight watchers, so I always make sure I eat all my daily points, but they also have weekly points & points you get from exercising. I have tried eating more weekly/activity points, eating less weekly/activity points, eating less carbs, more protein, working out more, etc etc et. and nothing is working.
This reminds me of how things were after I had my first son. I was doing everything right but not losing any weight. It took 2 years to figure out my thyroid wasn't working right. But this time, I don't know if that's the case. Supposidly, my thyroid was working too well so the doctors took me off my meds completely.  So maybe now it's shut down again, so that could be what's going on.
I just don't know. My body is broken =(

It's one of those days

From the minute Donkey woke up this morning he's been saying my name over & over.... "mom this", "mom that." I'm so sick of hearing 'Mom', that I want to scream! He's been annoying Mama's boy all morning, so all he's been doing is crying. Another 'I want to scream' moment. I just want to tell them all to shut up!!
My neck hurts, I must have slept on it wrong, so I can't turn my head. Never the less, I decided to exercise anyway... from the minute I stepped on the treadmill, I kept envisioning myself falling off of it. And wouldn't you know, 19 minutes in, I lost my footing & fell off the damn treadmill. It was one of those out of body experiences where you see yourself falling & try to stop it, but can't. I hit my hand & knee on the treadmill but they didn't hurt too bad so I got back on it & finished my running. I'm a trooper alright, but I prefer the terms stupid & insane. I'm probably going to be hurting tomorrow... all I gotta say is that if I'm that dedicated enough to fall off a moving treadmill & get back on it to run another 15 minutes, I better lose some weight this week or I will scream!
Hm... apparently I'm pretty mad today, cuz all I want to do is scream. =/

Well, it was quiet for a little while....

Donkey stayed at my mom's house last night. This morning Princess woke up at 6am to eat and my hubby was kind enough to do the early morning feeding and Mama's boy didn't get up til almost 9 am which means that I got to sleep in to almost 8am! That hasn't happened since I became a mom 4 years ago.
Then, for almost 6 hours, my house was quiet - Mama's boy & Princess played quietly... Princess even fell asleep for 30 minutes on her play mat!!
Then Donkey came home and the house is back to it's normal volume - kids yelling, tv blaring, etc.
Can you tell why we call him Donkey? As in Donkey from Shrek... he's always talking, always loud, always ON! He wakes up in an ON position &  it's just go, go, go until bedtime. I love him very much, but I sure did enjoy the peace & quiet for awhile. Wish that could happen more often. 

It's on!!!

I didn't lose any weight this week. So bring it on scale, cuz in the words of KoRn, It's on!!!

I think my treadmill is dying. I've had it for about 4 years. It was pretty cheap - definitely not one of those high tech models that gyms have. 2 years ago I had to replace a piece inside of it because the belt stopped moving & now it's doing the same thing. So I might have to replace that piece again.  I work out on it so much that I've killed it... twice! LOL


I did my FIRM video yesterday & that really kicked my ass! It felt good though.
So scale you better be scared this week! Cuz I'm coming for you on Saturday!!

D-Day

My weigh in day is Saturday, which means tomorrow is D-Day... time to see if all my hard work & sweat paid off, which I really hope it did, because I'm starting to get frustrated.
I also think I'm going to start doing my aerobics video - the Firm - at least 2 times a week. My plan is to do it on Saturday & then one day during the week.
I really need to loose the jiggle in my arms, flatten my belly, tone the rest of my body &  start burning some massive calories. Not that I don't burn a lot with running, but I need to burn even more. 

Best typo EVER!

As posted by my sister on Facebook!

Princess is on a roll!

Princess has been trying very hard to roll from back to belly, she'd get 90% of the way, but couldn't quite make it all the way because she couldn't get her arm out from beneath her. Last week she mastered the belly to back roll and today she successfully did her first back to belly roll!!  3 weeks & 12 days old!
What a proud moment and also a terrifying one.... I will now have 3 mobile children!! And so the fun begins!

Pushing through the pain

I'm currently running 25 minutes (no stopping) 3 times a week. The first 15 minutes are fine, the next 5 are a little tough and then the last 5 I literally have to cheer myself on. But I manage to make it through each time. I'm proud of myself for sticking with it. Only 2 more weeks of the C25K program and I will be an official c25k graduate!
Yesterday I slammed my toe into a toy. My toe had a huge red gash across it & a bump/bruise on top. It throbbed painfully all day yesterday and I could hardly walk. I thought the pain might give me an excuse not to exercise today, but it didn't hurt all that bad today, so I decided to push through the pain and exercise. I'm glad I did. I always feel better after I exercise, even those times that it takes all my motivation and then some to get off my butt.
It does feel a little weird to be exercising today (Tuesday) though. For the last 6 weeks my exercise routine has been Mon, Wed & Fri. But Donkey goes to preschool on those days and the schedule was just getting to be way too grueling for me. Get all 3 kids out the door by 8:20, drop him off at school, put the 2 younger ones in the living room with things to keep them occupied. exercise for 40 minutes (walk 15, run 25). feed Princess. shower. feed myself & mama's boy lunch and then back out the door to pick up Donkey. I didn't have time to accomplish anything else on those days & I just felt like I was always on the go, go, go.
So now I'm exercising Sun, Tues & Thurs and it seems to be working out much better. On M,W,F I'm free to clean & play with Mama's Boy while Donkey's at school. And then on Tues & Thurs I can exercise without having to rush. 
Hopefully my hard work will pay off this week & the scale will be good to me. One can always hope, anyway...

You have your hands full

If I hear that one more time, I swear.....

Yup, I think I hear that comment on a daily basis, or at least whenever I'm out in public with my 3 kids. And sometimes I hear it multiple times a day. It's like I'm the only person on the planet that has 3 kids. Trust me,  I'm not the only one!!
But yes, I do have my hands full. My hands are so full that my house is a mess - I have laundry (clean) piled up to the ceiling waiting to be folded, there's toys covering ever inch of the floor in my boys room & there's fruit loops all over the floor in the living room... and that's only 3 things, to name a few. I never have enough time to keep up with it all. By the time I clean up one mess, there's 5 new ones waiting for me to clean, so why bother?
But if you think my hands are full, you should see my heart. It's so full of love for my three children, it hurts (in a good way of course).  I love my children so much and no matter how difficult things might get, how tired I might be, how messy my house is, I would do anything for them. They are my whole world. <3

Addictions

I guess you could say I have an addictive personality. I'm addicted to food, if you couldn't already tell, but I think I've touched upon that enough & will continue to do so in future posts, so enough about food (damn, now I'm hungry). But I wanted to introduce you to some of my other addictions. 


Addiction #1 - All things girly - girl clothes, girl shoes, & ofcourse every girl has to have the bows to match, girl toys,  etc. This addiction is a recent one, as recent as 3 1/2 months when my precious Princess came into my life. Let's start with the girl clothes. I have a sick obsession to anything with polka dots, cupcakes, tulle and plaid. I am also drawn to the same color combos over & over again - pink and orange, pink and green (watermelon colors), pink and purple, & purple and blue. The Carter's brand is my number one choice for her clothes. And ofcourse, like I said, every outfit has to have a bow to match. I love the korker style bows - most of my bows come from Simply Elegant Bowtique. I think I drive her a little crazy with all my bow orders, but she makes super cute bows! Too bad Princess doesn't have much hair yet, so they usually get clipped to a headband. Someone said that she is going to have a permanent mark on her head from the headband.  Oh well, it's a small price to pay for looking pretty.
I find myself going to stores (Walmart, Target, Kohl's) weekly, just to see if they've changed their clothes selection. Most of the time, they haven't, but I'll be damned if I'm going to miss an opportunity to buy another outfit Princess will only wear once.  I've even started buying clothes in bigger sizes. She now has a wardrobe that will last her until she's 3... maybe even 4. She has 2 First Birthday outfits. Don't ask me what I'm going to do about that... maybe I'll have her change outfits halfway through the party. Or one can be for pictures & the other for the party? All I know is that I liked them both so much that I couldn't resist. 
And don't get me started on the girl toys. I already have a list of toys that I want to buy her for her 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc birthday.
Hey, after 2 boys, I think I deserve to go a little girly crazy!!


Addiction #2 - Facebook and all it's evil games. A.k.a the Evil Zynga Empire!! The games I actively play change every few months or so, based on how much time I have and how bored of a particular game I get. Right now I'm currently addicted to Farmville & Cafeworld, with a little Frontierville thrown in for good measure.  I have the alarm on my phone set to go off every time my crops need harvesting or food needs to be served. 
What's so great about a virtual farm or cafe anyway? Who knows, but those darn things have sucked me in & it's hard to step away from them. Go ahead, laugh at my geekyness, but you know your'e addicted to the damn games too! 


Addiction #3 - Pictures, pictures & more pictures. Yeah, I'm one of those people that still get pictures printed & put them into albums. I currently have about 15 albums filled with pictures of my kids and my oldest is only 4. I think it's about time to build a room just for my pictures!


Addiction #4 - Exercise. And ofcourse this is a direct result of my addiction to food. They go hand in hand if I want to lose weight. I never would have thought I could be addicted to exercise, I mean, isn't that something that most people dread doing? And yeah, at first, I dreaded doing it too. But I guess after following a strict exercise regiment for 7 weeks, it starts to grow on you. Now I actually look forward to getting beat up by my treadmill. And I can't wait to get my ass kicked by my Firm videos, which I will start incorporating into my routine very soon.

I guess it could be worse... 

'Mom'

Why is it that the second you become a mom, that instantly becomes your name & 'title'. You will then refer to yourself as "Donkey's Mom" or so & so's mom and never introduce yourself by your real name from there after. 

A.K.A.

From here on out, I will refer to my husband as "ThatDude". My older son as "Donkey", my younger son as "Mama's Boy" and my daughter as "Princess"

Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels

'Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels' needs to be my new motto. I love food, how do you think I got to be overweight, by not eating? Wrong! I love food! But lately, whenever I give in to one of my "temptations", I end up regretting it later on because it usually ends up not tasting as good as I thought it would, and it's just not worth the extra calories and frustration. 
Take Saturday for example. I lost 1.6 pounds last week and on Saturday I decided to treat myself for my hard work. And ofcourse I used food as my reward - a great big chocolate chip cookie from Dunkin' Donuts. I took one bite & even though it was gross, I finished the cookie because that was my only 'treat' and I figured I might as well eat it.  So I ate 400 calories and didn't even enjoy what I was eating. What is wrong with me? I thought I was stronger then that. Old habits die hard. 
So ofcourse I take a peek at the scale today & even though I got myself back on track yesterday (Sunday) and even exercised (ran for 25 minutes), the scale shows a 2 pound gain since Saturday. Lesson learned scale, lesson learned... you can go back down now. 

I'm not going to let that cookie get the best of me. I AM stronger than that cookie or cake or brownie or whatever else comes my way. I have to come up with some new 'treats' for myself, ones that don't involve calories. And I need to form some new habits. Easier said then done! But it's time to get serious!

10 years in the making

I have struggled with my weight all my life. Up until I was 18, I didn't really care how fat I was, just as long as I kept eating yummy food, which is how I got to be 280 pounds at the start of my weight loss journey. I love food, there's no denying that. I didn't get to be 280 pounds by telling myself "no, you can not go back for seconds." or "no, don't eat that cake.".  And I'm the type of person that can look at food & gain 5 pounds. 
After my freshman year of college, at the age of 19, I finally decided I wanted to start losing weight. But yet, here I sit, 29 years old and I'm still overweight!! For the last 10 years my weight has yo-yo'd up and down and I am sick of it!!  So here beings my weight loss (and gain) story....
When I was 19, I started losing weight by simply counting calories and making sure I did not eat more then I burned. Simple math, seemed easy enough, and it was. The weight practically fell off the first few months. When I got to around 210 pounds, I had some changes in my life - I started dating my now husband M.  M & I would go out to eat quite a bit so for a long time my weight hovered just over the 200 pound mark. I wasn't 100% happy with my weight yet, but I was basking in the new relationship (my first and only relationship mind you) and got lazy. 
M & I moved in together after a year of dating and Friday night pizza takeout became our weekly ritual and soon the old habits crept back into my life. By the time we got engaged (6 months later) I was packing on the pounds and back up to around 240.
I was determined not to be a fat bride, so for our year and a half long engagement, I started following the Atkin's diet. It worked well at first and I was able to get back to 200 pounds pretty quickly, which is where I stayed until my wedding day. 200 had become my biggest nemisis, I just couldn't seem to get past that number on the scale. I married M on a beautiful May day weighing 200 pounds.
When we returned from our honeymoon 10 days later, I decided I had to break out of the 200's. The Atkins was no longer working for me, nevermind the fact that I didn't want to look at another piece of meat for as long as I lived, so I started following the Weight Watchers plan.   I combined WW with exercise (walking, aerobics, elliptical) and within a year I was at my lowest weight ever - 160 pounds. I wasn't super skinny, but I looked good & I felt great and that is all that mattered.
Victory sure didn't last long because soon after reaching 160, I got pregnant with my first son R. I wasn't too worried about gaining back the weight because I made a vow to myself to continue to watch my diet & continue to exercise which is exactly what I did. So how did I manage to gain 40 pounds?!?!?! Apparently, my thyroid was on the verge of destruction and the pregnancy pushed it to it's doom, so to say. I was now hypothyroid which means that my thyroid did not work the way it was supposed to, which means that my metabolism slowed to a hault.
For a year after R's birth, I struggled to lose the baby weight only to be left fat, frustrated and exhausted. I finally found a doctor with the answers and I started meds to help rectify my hypothyroidism and I was once back on the losing end of the scale. But, I didn't get very far, 10 pounds at the most, because when R was 2, I got pregnant with baby #2. And oh boy, did that pregnancy wreck havoc on my body. I gained 40, 50, 60??? pounds? I don't even know for sure, and to be honest, after I passed the 40 pound gain mark, I stopped looking at the scale. It was too depressing and I just didn't want to know. The good news is, is that my entire body was swollen (or so it seemed) and therefore after I gave birth, and the water weight was gone, I instantly lost 40 pounds! Easiest diet I've ever been on, and yet, I still had weight hanging around from my first pregnancy and a little more from that pregnancy.
My husband and I really wanted a baby girl and we decided to try one more time. But at this point, I was done with the whole up & down weight game. So I told my  husband if we were going to try again, it would have to be soon because I wanted the fat chapter of my life to be over so I could finally lose the weight once & for all. Low and behold, when my second son was only 4 months old, I found out I was pregnant with baby #3.
No matter how much I ate (and boy, or should I say girl, did I eat this time around!)  I didn't seem to gain any weight. And actually, in the first trimester, I lost 5 pounds! Turns out this pregnancy revved up my thyroid kicking it into overdrive! If you're thinking that pregnancy sure does a number on my body, then you're right! Pregnancy hates me. Anyway, I gained the least amount of weight on my third and final pregnancy and within 2 months after the baby was born, I was back to my pre-pregnancy weight.
As I type this, my 3rd child, H, is only 3 months old, so now here we are, caught up to the present time frame.   And here I sit, still 40 pounds away from my 1st pregnancy's starting weight, determined beyond belief to lose this weight once and for all. 
I'm a busy mom of 3 young children, but I HAVE to find the time, even if it's only 30 minutes at a time, to exercise 3 times a week and I HAVE to follow a strict food program. I've joined Weight Watchers once again since that is the only 'diet' (they prefer to call it a lifestyle change) that has ever worked for me and I also started a running program called the couch to 5K. Yup, I'm going to be a runner! I'm currently on week 7 and running 25 minutes non-stop! Go me!!
This has been 10 years in the making. 10 years of juggling with the scale, 10 years of binge eating, 10 years of "I'll get back on track tomorrow", etc etc etc. No more excuses. I have to do this!

Welcome to my life

Have you ever walked into a room, opened a closet door and stared blankly inside trying to remember what it was that you went in there for.... only to realize that you got up to make your baby a bottle which isn't even located in that closet, let alone the same room that you're standing in?
That's me - permanent mommy brain. I was once a well put together, organized young woman, and now I'm a scatterbrained, forgetful mess with grey hair. But you know what, I'm a mom and I would give up my sanity for my kids... and trust me, I have. 
So there is your warning. Things might get messy....