A whole new meaning...

 I was so cold last night that my teeth were chattering (litterally) and since I wear a night guard, they were chattering against my night guard & it made this clicking sound that sounded like morse code! Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "talking in your sleep"

Why is it so hard?

Sometimes I ask myself why do I bother busting my butt to lose weight, especially with 3 kids... it's so hard & consumes so much of my time... some days I feel like just giving up (usually after a bad week). I could be using the time & energy spent on trying to lose weight and focus that on my kids.
But I know if I did that, I would never be completely happy with myself. I hate the way I look. I hate being fat. So instead I keep trudging along, no matter how many times I fall in shit, I have to brush myself off and keep going.
Why is losing weight so hard for me? Others make it look so easy. My body just sucks. It's broken =(

Stuffed like a turkey

Last Saturday my family had a party for my aunt's 40th birthday. I knew I was going to eat bad & it was a planned thing. Since I had been good for a few weeks, I let myself splurge a little (ok, a lot!) and then of course I felt guilty afterwards. I worked my butt off this week in order to undo some of the damage, but then today, 1 day before my weigh in, I went and got Chinese food for lunch. I was like a woman possessed... I couldn't stop myself. I stuffed myself to the point that I was so sick to my stomach that I wanted to throw up. I felt like a stuffed turkey on Thanksgiving day. I feel soooo sick & soooo guilty. Ug, why do I do this?
I can only imagine what the scale will say tomorrow. I think I will take a freebie this week & not weigh in.
I'm starting over (again... for the zillionth time) tomorrow. I keep telling myself that this is a lifelong commitment & some weeks I'm going to struggle and fall off the wagon, but when I fall off, I fall off hard and then it takes weeks to get back on track.
I am so close to the 200 pound mark, I want to be there now! I just want to say goodbye to the 200's once and for all. 

What comes next?

I have been extremely off track this week. Sick kids, lazy me, broken treadmill, it's just excuse after excuse. My treadmill is now fixed (I think) so I could have exercised today, but I just didn't want to. So instead of pushing myself to do it, I let myself get away with being lazy for another day... with the promise that on Saturday I will get back into my routine.
We are eating out for my aunt's 40th birthday on Saturday & I know that is going to be a train wreck so I plan to run that morning. I will probably start off with 25 minutes of running to ease myself back into the swing of things. Then on Sunday I will do 28 minutes of running. Then on Tues & Thursday I will see if I can run 30 minutes (because that is what I was supposed to run this week).  If I can successfully run 30 minutes that means I graduated from the C25K! Yay!
So what comes next?  I guess I just continue to run 30 minutes and when I feel like running longer, I will. I also need to start incorporating The FIRM videos at least 2 times a week. I need the toning.
People have been complimenting me on my weight loss. It feels good, but I'm not a person that takes compliments easy... I'm way too hard on myself and when people say "you look good", I'm thinking "yeah, but my ass is still too big", etc. I'm always thinking the worst about myself. I wish I could take a compliment and not think about the negative, but I just can't. I'm my own worst critic. 

Loser!

I lost 2.6 pounds this week. You'd think that would give me motivation to continue exercising hard, but I am feeling completely unmotivated & lazy today. It could be because aunt flow showed up this morning, so I'm letting myself get away with it for today.
Normally after a big loss, I tend to celebrate with food & ruin my week, but I didn't do that yesterday. I wanted to, but I talked myself out of it. If I want to keep losing consistantly, then I have to stop celebrating with calories. So I was proud of myself for that.
But today I woke up feeling extremely unmotivated.  I think I'm feeling a little burnt out from pushing myself so hard these past few weeks, maybe I deserve a break?  I was supposed to run 30 minutes today but I just didn't feel like it. So instead, I tried to make myself do some aerobics and that only lasted 20 minutes & I didn't even break a sweat, so I'm not really counting that as exercise. So I'm feeling like a LOSER right now, and not in a good way, either!
I'm going to try to make myself run later tonight or maybe tomorrow (which is not supposed to be my exercise day).
Right now I just want to lay on the couch all day & be lazy!

Frustrated

I am so completely frustrated with the scale. I work my butt off but it doesn't seem to be moving in the right direction. I'm following weight watchers, so I always make sure I eat all my daily points, but they also have weekly points & points you get from exercising. I have tried eating more weekly/activity points, eating less weekly/activity points, eating less carbs, more protein, working out more, etc etc et. and nothing is working.
This reminds me of how things were after I had my first son. I was doing everything right but not losing any weight. It took 2 years to figure out my thyroid wasn't working right. But this time, I don't know if that's the case. Supposidly, my thyroid was working too well so the doctors took me off my meds completely.  So maybe now it's shut down again, so that could be what's going on.
I just don't know. My body is broken =(

It's one of those days

From the minute Donkey woke up this morning he's been saying my name over & over.... "mom this", "mom that." I'm so sick of hearing 'Mom', that I want to scream! He's been annoying Mama's boy all morning, so all he's been doing is crying. Another 'I want to scream' moment. I just want to tell them all to shut up!!
My neck hurts, I must have slept on it wrong, so I can't turn my head. Never the less, I decided to exercise anyway... from the minute I stepped on the treadmill, I kept envisioning myself falling off of it. And wouldn't you know, 19 minutes in, I lost my footing & fell off the damn treadmill. It was one of those out of body experiences where you see yourself falling & try to stop it, but can't. I hit my hand & knee on the treadmill but they didn't hurt too bad so I got back on it & finished my running. I'm a trooper alright, but I prefer the terms stupid & insane. I'm probably going to be hurting tomorrow... all I gotta say is that if I'm that dedicated enough to fall off a moving treadmill & get back on it to run another 15 minutes, I better lose some weight this week or I will scream!
Hm... apparently I'm pretty mad today, cuz all I want to do is scream. =/

Well, it was quiet for a little while....

Donkey stayed at my mom's house last night. This morning Princess woke up at 6am to eat and my hubby was kind enough to do the early morning feeding and Mama's boy didn't get up til almost 9 am which means that I got to sleep in to almost 8am! That hasn't happened since I became a mom 4 years ago.
Then, for almost 6 hours, my house was quiet - Mama's boy & Princess played quietly... Princess even fell asleep for 30 minutes on her play mat!!
Then Donkey came home and the house is back to it's normal volume - kids yelling, tv blaring, etc.
Can you tell why we call him Donkey? As in Donkey from Shrek... he's always talking, always loud, always ON! He wakes up in an ON position &  it's just go, go, go until bedtime. I love him very much, but I sure did enjoy the peace & quiet for awhile. Wish that could happen more often. 

It's on!!!

I didn't lose any weight this week. So bring it on scale, cuz in the words of KoRn, It's on!!!

I think my treadmill is dying. I've had it for about 4 years. It was pretty cheap - definitely not one of those high tech models that gyms have. 2 years ago I had to replace a piece inside of it because the belt stopped moving & now it's doing the same thing. So I might have to replace that piece again.  I work out on it so much that I've killed it... twice! LOL


I did my FIRM video yesterday & that really kicked my ass! It felt good though.
So scale you better be scared this week! Cuz I'm coming for you on Saturday!!

D-Day

My weigh in day is Saturday, which means tomorrow is D-Day... time to see if all my hard work & sweat paid off, which I really hope it did, because I'm starting to get frustrated.
I also think I'm going to start doing my aerobics video - the Firm - at least 2 times a week. My plan is to do it on Saturday & then one day during the week.
I really need to loose the jiggle in my arms, flatten my belly, tone the rest of my body &  start burning some massive calories. Not that I don't burn a lot with running, but I need to burn even more.